yaronengler Blog 1 Comment

Today was one of those days of waking up overwhelmed.

You know this feeling?
When everything attacks you.
Everything is threatening.
Everything is annoying.
Everyone is really annoying.
Nothing makes sense!

I was so tired and all I wanted was just a few moments of being alone and Instead I had my daughter Olive banging every book that was next to the bed in my head and then came all the rest of the morning ‘festival’ of taking the kids out of home whilst thinking about what the hell I am going to do today.

So with this feeling I decided to make a video (I committed to do 2-3 a week this month… talk about overwhelming…) that would serve others who might find themselves in the same state.

What a stupid idea!

I did a few takes but none of them worked. I didn’t really want to show myself on camera so I was just filming the view from my balcony while I was talking. After 3 tries and some failures of the camera I got the point.  How can I lie to myself and others by talking about coming out of something I am not letting go of myself?

So I decided to write down a few things that would help me come out of my ‘mind masturbation’ mode and I am now writing this post after doing ALL of them.

– SKIPPING ROPE – Yes. This is what I do on a daily basis now on the balcony. Doing it just for a few minutes helps me get back to clarity. What everyone says about using our body to create a change in the mind works!! I know that skipping is not for everyone but you can find your thing. Run, walk, sing, dance. Whatever makes you reconnect with your spirit.

– DEDICATE TIME TO MYSELF – After everyone was gone (such a beautiful moment…) I spent some time with myself. With no one around. Call it introvert or whatever you want. I need that. Many describe it as recharging the batteries and I can very much relate to that.

– APOLOGIZE – That was the hardest bit. Why is it so hard for us to say that we are sorry when we fuck up?! Yes. I fucked up today. I let my ‘mind masturbation’ effect the way I was with Wins and the kids. I was ‘enjoying’ my misery of the little ‘3rd world war’ that I have created for myself in my mind and anything that was said or done annoyed me. My way of dealing with it is being silent but i know well that my silence in those moments is the noisiest one in the world. So I came to Wins and said that I was sorry. And we kissed. And we hugged. In one second the 3rd world war disappeared from the door step of my mind. (That made me wonder how many other wars could be prevented if people and countries would have the courage to say sorry more often.)

DO SOMETHING UNUSUAL – I booked a nice treatment for both Wins and myself. There are all the excuses  that come up all the time – no money, no time, no need. Bullshit. We are going to have fun and we are going to get relaxed (hopefully). And it will make us nice. And nice people make a better world.

That’s it. It’s a post today, not a video. But who cares? I am back on track and I am going to do some good stuff.

What about you?

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Comments 1

  1. 🙂 Very recognizable..
    We can so easily get caught up obsessing over our circumstances and dwell in our negative thoughts. The more dramatic and the bigger our self-pity-party, the better. We love spending time thinking about ‘the wrongs’, and often give the way out of that ‘mind masturbation’ only a passing glance.
    Of course, in reality, life can be pretty confusing sometimes and a real motherf*cker and so when the moment arrives when I feel the negativity and hopelessness fall all over me, I have a plan, existing of a few simple steps.

    1) First of all I give myself a little speech. It goes something like this:
    “My dear, you knew this feeling could come. And now its here. You can handle it, it will pass. It might hurt, but this too wont be there forever, this too shall pass. This is what it is. There is no need to fight, to push, or to make it better. Just be. And breathe. You are calm. And confident. You can stand straight, tall, with an open chest. Welcoming. Accepting. Soft eyes. No judgement. You are blessed. You are loved. And probably in two years you’ll look back on this moment and find yourself smiling.”

    2) Than I sum up all of the things I am grateful for. All of them, really really ALL of them. From the greatest thing I can think of, to the tiniest detail of my life.

    3) I do something physical.
    If Im working (Im a dancer) I focus all my attention on my body. On movement. On the music. On dynamics. I try to let myself be consumed completely with what Im doing.
    If Im not working, I, or: do some breathing exercises (I lay my hands on the middle of my chest and breath 7 times deeply into my belly. Than I close my right nostril and breathe only via my left nostril for a minute. It forces me to inhale more intense and will lower my heart rate and blood pressure), or I put on some music and dance as ridiculous as I can possible.

    4) I sing. If Im home alone, I love to sing. Worship-songs, sad songs, happy songs, fast, slow. It doesn’t matter. As long as I sing along with a song that suits me in that moment.

    If all of that doesn’t ‘work’, and Im in a private space and have the possibility, I allow myself to cry for a maximum of ten minutes. After that I give my plan a second chance. Until Im back on track 🙂 🙂

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